Sometimes in life, we all come to a crossroads.
Several paths appear before us. Yet we do not know which path to take.
On one side, family responsibilities call out to us.
On another, the need to earn money puts pressure on us.
We begin to feel that we need a change in our work. Disappointments in relationships pull our minds backwards.
Some events from the past return to our thoughts again and again, holding us back.
On one side is the anxiety about what tomorrow will bring; on the other is the regret that we cannot change what happened yesterday.
Standing in such a situation, many of us ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”
But immediately, we begin looking outside ourselves for an answer.
Whom should I ask for advice?
What job should I move to?
Where should I go so that my life will change?
Whom should I associate with so that I can progress?
What should I buy to make myself happy?
Where should I go to find peace of mind?
With all these questions, we begin looking towards the outside world.
But sometimes, perhaps, the question life is asking us is something entirely different:
“How much do you really know about yourself?”
When we do not know what to do next in life, there is no need to immediately search for the next path.
Sometimes, the first thing we need to do is to search for ourselves.
Because the reason we cannot clearly see the path ahead may not be that there is no path. It may simply be that our inner world is confused.
When we stand before a mirror, we see our face.
But it is not enough to notice only the tiredness reflected on our face.
We also need to look at what lies behind that tiredness.
Is the body running without enough rest?
Is the mind constantly filled with worry?
Are we still carrying old wounds?
Are we comparing ourselves with others and diminishing our own worth?
Are we losing the present moment because of fear about the future?
The moment we begin to look honestly at these things is the beginning of the journey of finding ourselves.
If we want to change our lives, we must first learn to truly see our lives.
We cannot change what we do not see.
Without knowing where we are standing, we cannot decide which direction we should take.
The first step in this journey concerns the body.
The body is the vehicle through which we experience life.
Yet, in the rush of everyday life, we keep driving this vehicle without caring for it, no matter how far it has travelled.
Sleep becomes insufficient.
Our eating habits change.
Exercise is forgotten.
There is no time for rest.
We ignore the small warnings our body gives us.
Only after the body finally forces us to stop do we understand its value.
Becoming a healthier new “me” does not mean making a dramatic change overnight.
Taking a short walk in the morning can be a beginning.
Eating in moderation can be a beginning.
Trying to get enough sleep can be a beginning.
Giving up one unnecessary habit can be a beginning.
These small acts of care we show towards our body are, in reality, acts of respect towards ourselves.
We often save money.
We take care of our possessions.
We keep our homes clean.
But when it comes to taking care of our own bodies, we keep saying, “Tomorrow.”
When we realise that our true wealth is our health, our priorities slowly begin to change.
Next comes the mind.
Even if the body is healthy, life cannot be complete if the mind is not at peace.
We have seen people smiling on the outside while silently falling apart within.
We have also seen people who have everything yet are unable to find happiness.
Therefore, we need to understand that happiness is not an object waiting for us somewhere outside.
Happiness does not mean smiling all the time.
Nor does it mean living a life without sorrow.
Even when sorrow arrives, having the inner strength not to become completely submerged in it is itself a form of true happiness.
Accepting what we cannot change, making an effort to change what we can, and understanding the difference between the two can help us develop inner peace.
We should not place the key to our happiness in the hands of other people.
“If they praise me, I will be happy.”
“If they respect me, I will be happy.”
“If I have this much money, I will be happy.”
“If I get that possession, I will be happy.”
If we keep searching outside ourselves for happiness in this way, we have effectively handed the key to our own mind to someone else.
Beginning to recognise what we already have and expressing gratitude for it can be one of the greatest sources of happiness.
The body we have today, our family, our friends, our food, a small home, a telephone, someone with whom we can talk, the opportunity to wake up in the morning—all these things may appear ordinary.
But when even one of them is taken away, we understand its true value.
Therefore, a happy “me” is not necessarily the person who has the most.
It is the person who knows how to see and appreciate what he or she already has.
Another important part of this journey is healing from our wounds.
Life does not leave anyone without being wounded in some way.
For one person, it may be financial loss.
For another, the breakdown of a relationship.
For someone else, the betrayal of a friend.
For another, a separation within the family.
For someone else, failure.
Some wounds are visible on the body.
Some wounds exist only within the mind.
One strange thing about emotional wounds is that even after an event has ended, we may continue living through it.
We may still remember something someone said to us twenty years ago.
We may use a failure from many years ago as a measure of our abilities today.
Because someone rejected us in the past, we may believe that nobody will accept us today.
We cannot change the past.
But we can change the way we look at the past.
An experience that once broke us may now become a lesson that strengthens us.
An event that once made us cry may have transformed us into someone who can understand another person's tears.
The pain we have experienced does not have to be wasted.
We can transform it into wisdom.
Forgiveness does not mean agreeing that what happened was right.
It means freeing our own mind from the prison of that event.
Sometimes, forgiving ourselves is more important than forgiving another person.
We need to be able to tell ourselves:
“At that time, I made the best decision I could with the understanding I had then.”
We cannot create a new version of ourselves while constantly punishing the old version of ourselves.
After this comes another very important transformation—living in the present.
Our body is always in the present moment.
But our mind keeps wandering between yesterday and tomorrow.
The body is here, while the mind is still living in an event that happened many years ago.
The body is here now, while the mind is worrying about a problem that has not even happened yet.
We drink today's tea without experiencing its taste because we are looking at our phones.
When a child speaks to us, we do not listen completely because our minds are occupied with something else.
When our life partner is beside us, we fail to appreciate the preciousness of their presence because we are absorbed in other worries.
One day, when we look back, we may realise that much of the life we thought we had lived was actually spent in memories and expectations.
Living in the present does not mean that we should not plan for the future.
We can have plans for tomorrow, but we should not lose today.
We can learn from the past, but we should not move into it and live there.
For an ordinary person, present-moment awareness can begin with very simple things.
Truly listening when someone is speaking.
Experiencing our food while we are eating.
Being aware of our steps while walking.
Being fully present with our family when we are together.
When anger arises, pausing for a moment instead of responding immediately.
When a thought arises in the mind, asking ourselves:
“Is this thought actually true, or is it my fear speaking?”
These may not appear to be great spiritual practices.
But the real changes in life often begin with these small moments of awareness.
Next comes self-confidence.
Self-confidence does not mean thinking, “I can do everything.”
True self-confidence is being able to say:
“I cannot do everything, but I will honestly do my best with what I can do.”
When we begin comparing ourselves with others, our self-confidence starts to decline.
We look at the beautiful few minutes of someone else's life on social media and compare them with our entire day.
We see their home, their travels, their success and their family happiness, and then begin to think that our own life is somehow lacking.
But every person carries the story behind their life.
What we see is not the whole story.
When we begin comparing today's version of ourselves with yesterday's version of ourselves, our self-confidence begins to grow.
Were we able to remain calm today in a situation where we would have become angry yesterday?
Did we take a little more care of our health today where we neglected it yesterday?
Did we respect ourselves today in a situation where we would have put ourselves down yesterday?
Did we at least try today to do something we once believed was impossible?
That is growth.
Here we need to understand an important truth.
When we speak of becoming a “new version of yourself,” it does not mean becoming a completely different human being.
It means bringing out the good qualities that already exist within us.
Where did the curiosity we had as children go?
Where did our desire to learn something new disappear?
Where did those days go when we laughed without needing a reason?
Where did that mind go which worried less about other people and more about living life?
As we grow older, we may gain knowledge, experience and money.
But sometimes, along the way, we lose the simplicity of life.
Therefore, searching for ourselves does not simply mean creating a new person.
It also means rediscovering some of the good parts of ourselves that we may have lost along the way.
Only after this does the question of the “right path” begin to become clearer.
Many decisions we make while confused come from fear.
Fear of what others will say.
Fear of running out of money.
Fear of failing.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of growing old.
But when the mind becomes clearer, the decisions we make begin to come from our true values.
Then we begin to ask:
“What truly matters to me?”
Is money important?
Certainly.
Is family important?
Certainly.
Is health important?
Yes.
What about peace of mind?
That is important too.
What about being useful to others?
That matters too.
What about using our talents?
That matters as well.
The answer will be different for every person.
That is why we cannot simply copy someone else's path and fit it into our own life.
When we begin to understand ourselves deeply, we gradually begin to see which path is truly ours.
Sometimes it may be a new job.
Sometimes it may simply be a new approach to the same old job.
Sometimes it may be a new business.
Sometimes it may mean spending more time with our family.
Sometimes it may mean returning to a dream that we have postponed for many years.
And sometimes, without changing anything outside ourselves, it may simply mean changing what is within us.
The next chapter of life does not always begin with a major event.
Sometimes it begins with one small decision.
“From now on, I will take care of my body.”
“From now on, I will stop hurting myself emotionally.”
“I will keep the past as a lesson, not as a burden.”
“I will not lose today because I am worried about tomorrow.”
“I will stop comparing myself with others and compare myself with who I was yesterday.”
“I will learn something I have always wanted to learn.”
“I am responsible for my life.”
Sometimes these simple sentences can become the greatest turning points in our lives.
So, if one day you find yourself standing still, not knowing what to do next in life, do not panic.
It does not necessarily mean that your life has come to a standstill.
Perhaps life is simply asking you to pause for a while and saying:
“Look at yourself first.”
Before searching for a new path outside, take a small journey within.
Listen to your body.
Look at your mind.
Acknowledge your wounds.
Forgive where forgiveness is needed.
Learn from the past.
Try to live the present fully.
Rebuild your confidence through small efforts.
After that, the path of life may gradually begin to reveal itself to you.
Because sometimes the “right path” we are searching for is not waiting somewhere in front of us.
It is a path that has to emerge from within us.
When we begin to change ourselves, our perspective changes.
When our perspective changes, our choices change.
When our choices change, our actions change.
And when our actions change, the direction of our lives changes.
So, if you do not know where life is taking you, do not worry.
First, search for yourself.
Let today's you be a little healthier than yesterday's you.
Let today's you be a little more peaceful.
A little happier.
A little more capable of forgiving.
A little more aware.
A little more confident.
Then life will ask you its next question:
“Now, where do you want to go?”
The answer to that question does not have to come from anyone outside you.
It can arise from within you.
That is the beauty of the journey of finding ourselves.
And that is also the first step towards discovering the next path in life.
You can do it.
With affection,
Sakthi Sakthithasan
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