Spirituality Is Not About Transcending Our Emotions — It Is About Living Them with Awareness

Spirituality Is Not About Transcending Our Emotions — It Is About Living Them with Awareness

When we hear the word “spirituality,” many of us immediately form a particular picture in our minds.

A temple, a meditation room, someone dressed in saffron, a prayer bead in their hand, long hours of prayer, mantras and rituals  we have become accustomed to associating spirituality with certain practices and outward symbols.

All of these may support a person’s spiritual journey.

But spirituality does not end there.

In truth, spirituality is revealed in the way we live our lives.

It is revealed not merely by whether we go to the temple, but by how we treat the people who live with us at home.

It is revealed not by how many times we pray, but by how we respond to someone who disagrees with us.

And it is revealed not by how long we meditate, but by what we do in that one moment when anger arises within us.

This is why it can be a misunderstanding to think that spiritual awareness will free us completely from human emotions.

Walking on a spiritual path does not mean that anger will never arise.

It does not mean that sorrow will disappear.

It does not mean that jealousy will cease to exist.

It does not mean that fear will never touch us.

As long as we are human, emotions naturally arise within us.

Just as hunger arises in the body and thirst arises within us, different emotions naturally arise in the mind.

Spirituality is not about destroying these emotions.

It is about changing our relationship with them.

When anger arises, instead of identifying ourselves by saying, “I am an angry person,” we can begin to observe it by saying, “Anger is arising within me right now.”

There is a profound spiritual journey between these two statements.

When we say, “I am anger,” we become identified with the emotion.

When we say, “Anger is arising within me,” we begin to observe the emotion.

The one who observes is different from what is being observed.

This is where awareness begins.

When anger arises, rather than immediately expressing it, simply taking a moment to ask ourselves, “What is happening within me right now?” may seem like a very small thing.

But that one moment can prevent many mistakes.

A single word spoken in anger can wound a relationship that has lasted for years.

A decision made in anger can change the direction of a life.

But this does not mean that we should suppress our anger.

Suppressing anger is not spirituality.

Justifying anger is not spirituality either.

Accepting that anger has arisen, while handling it consciously so that it does not cause harm to others, is spiritual maturity.

If we can understand, “It is not wrong that I felt angry.

But it is not right for me to hurt someone because of that anger,” then human emotion and spiritual awareness meet in that very moment.

The same applies to sorrow.

There will be losses in life.

People we love will leave us.

Things we hoped for may not happen.

People we trusted may disappoint us.

Unexpected changes may come into different areas of our lives our health, finances, relationships, work and family.

At such times, the heart may break.

Who said that a spiritually aware person should never feel sorrow?

Feeling sorrow is part of being human.

Remaining permanently immersed in sorrow is what can become a problem.

A spiritually aware mind does not deny sorrow.

It does not blame itself by saying, “I am on a spiritual path, so I should not feel sad.”

Instead, when sorrow comes, it observes it gently.

It acknowledges:

“Yes… this hurts me.

This loss has affected me deeply.”

If tears come, let the tears come.

If the heart aches, allow yourself to feel that pain.

But remaining aware enough not to allow that pain to become our entire life — that is awareness.

The same is true of jealousy and fear.

When someone else progresses in life, we may sometimes feel a small sense of jealousy within us. Often, we do not even want to admit it to ourselves.

It is easy to say, “I am not jealous.”

But when we begin to look honestly at the truth of our own minds, we may recognise:

“Perhaps there is a longing within me that says, ‘What they have received, I wish I had received too.’”

There is no need to hate ourselves simply because we recognise this.

Seeing the emotion and acknowledging, “Here it is… this feeling has arisen within me,” can itself be the beginning of awareness.

The same applies to fear.

We may fear what tomorrow will bring.

We may fear for our health.

We may fear financial difficulties.

We may fear for the future of our children.

We may fear growing older.

We may even fear death.

Feeling these things does not mean that we have failed spiritually.

They arise naturally as part of being human.

Spiritual awareness reminds us:

“This fear has arisen within me, but this fear is not who I am.”

Clouds appear in the sky.

Some clouds are dark.

Some bring rain.

Some arrive quickly and disappear just as quickly.

But no cloud can permanently change the sky.

Our emotions are like that.

Anger is a cloud.

Sorrow is a cloud.

Fear is a cloud.

Jealousy is a cloud.

Even happiness is a cloud.

They arise.

They remain for a while.

They change.

And eventually, they pass.

But the sky of awareness that witnesses them remains.

That is why the understanding that “my emotions are not who I am” can be such a profound spiritual insight.

This does not mean that we should deny our emotions.

Nor does it mean that we should stop feeling them.

Rather, it means learning to feel our emotions fully without becoming their slaves.

When anger arises, feel it.

Notice what is happening in the body.

Notice how the breath changes.

Notice the words that the mind begins to create.

There is no need to immediately turn that emotion into an action.

There is a small space between the moment an emotion arises and the moment we choose how to respond to it.

That space is our freedom.

That space is awareness.

Learning to cultivate that space may be one of the greatest spiritual practices available to an ordinary human being.

For this, we do not have to leave our family life and go away to some mountain.

We do not have to withdraw from our families.

We do not have to give up our work.

We do not have to renounce worldly life.

Instead, we can begin to live with awareness exactly where we are.

Looking at the people in our home with love when we wake up in the morning is spirituality.

Listening instead of immediately reacting when our spouse expresses an opinion different from ours is spirituality.

Trying to understand our children rather than humiliating them when they do not behave according to our expectations is spirituality.

Speaking patiently to our ageing parents is spirituality.

Treating the people who work with us as human beings worthy of dignity is spirituality.

Not looking down on someone simply because they cannot help us is spirituality.

Seeing someone who is more successful than us, recognising the jealousy that may arise within us, and refusing to allow it to grow into hatred is spirituality.

Admitting, “I was wrong,” when we make a mistake is spirituality.

Forgiving when forgiveness is possible is spirituality.

And when the pain is so deep that forgiveness does not come easily, at least refusing to nurture that pain into hatred and gradually trying to free ourselves from it is also spirituality.

Being honest even when nobody is watching is spirituality.

Doing what is right even when it is not in our own interest is spirituality.

Doing a small act of kindness for another person without expecting anything in return is spirituality.

A person who lives this way may not meditate at all, yet their everyday life may contain a deep sense of spiritual discipline.

At the same time, if someone meditates for many hours every day but treats the people at home with disrespect, we should pause and reflect upon the meaning of that meditation.

Because spirituality should not be visible only in our meditation room.

It should be visible in our kitchen.

It should be visible in our workplace.

It should be visible in the way we drive our vehicle.

It should be visible in the way we behave when we go shopping.

It should be visible in the way we speak to those in society who may be less powerful than us.

And it should be visible in the way we live when nobody is watching us, before the quiet presence of our own conscience.

This is the great bridge that connects spirituality with ordinary family life.

We do not all have to become monks or renunciates.

We only need to try to become better human beings.

A little more love in our words.

A little more honesty in our actions.

A little more restraint in our anger.

A little more humility in our success.

A little more patience in our failures.

A little more generosity with what we possess.

A little more acceptance in our sorrow.

A little more trust in the face of fear.

A little more compassion in our relationships.

All of these together can create a deeply spiritual life.

Spirituality is not about going beyond our humanity.

It is about fully accepting our humanity and learning to live it with awareness.

There may be anger within us, but we do not have to become anger.

There may be sorrow within us, but we do not have to become sorrow.

There may be fear within us, but fear does not have to govern our decisions.

Jealousy may arise within us, but we do not have to allow it to grow into hatred.

Desires may arise within us, but they do not have to control our entire lives.

This is spiritual maturity.

Not having emotions is not a higher state.

Being able to experience emotions while remaining aware and not becoming their prisoner is a deeper form of awareness.

Every emotion that arises within us may have something to teach us.

Anger may tell us something about our expectations.

Jealousy may reveal our unfulfilled desires.

Fear may reveal our attachments.

Sorrow may reveal the depth of our love.

When we stop treating these emotions as enemies and begin to see them as teachers, life itself becomes a spiritual school.

Then we stop trying to conquer our minds.

We begin trying to understand them.

Before trying to change ourselves, we learn to know ourselves.

Before punishing ourselves, we learn to embrace ourselves with compassion.

That is kindness.

Showing compassion to others is important, but showing compassion towards ourselves is equally important.

We do not need to tell ourselves, “I still get angry, so I must not be progressing spiritually.”

Nor should we think, “I still experience fear, so my spiritual journey has failed.”

We are human.

Our journey is not a straight line.

Some days there will be peace.

Some days there will be confusion.

Some days we will be remarkably patient.

Some days even a small thing may make us angry.

That is the nature of life.

What matters is how quickly we can bring ourselves back to awareness.

If we made a mistake in anger yesterday, recognising it today and apologising is spirituality.

If we hurt someone yesterday, trying to speak to them with kindness today is spirituality.

If we could not do something yesterday, trying again today is spirituality.

Rather than constantly searching for some final destination where we can say, “I have arrived,” on the spiritual path, it may be more meaningful to learn a little more about ourselves each day.

The very family life we live provides us with daily opportunities for spiritual learning.

A husband or wife may teach us patience.

Children may teach us non-attachment.

Parents may teach us gratitude.

Friends may teach us acceptance.

Those who oppose us may reveal our ego.

Failures may teach us humility.

Success may teach us the dangers of attachment.

Solitude may introduce us to ourselves.

Growing older may remind us of impermanence.

Death may remind us of the preciousness of life.

When we look at life this way, nothing is truly wasted.

Every experience can become an opportunity that leads us back to ourselves.

Therefore, spirituality is not about running away from the world.

It is about waking up in the very midst of the world.

To laugh with our family while remaining aware.

To cry in sorrow while remaining aware.

To speak consciously when anger arises.

To remain humble when success comes.

To rise again with awareness when failure comes.

This is the spirituality of family life.

We may remove our shoes at the entrance of our home before entering a temple.

But perhaps an even deeper spiritual practice is to remove a little of our ego at the entrance of our mind before approaching another human being.

Rather than measuring how many times we think of God, perhaps we should also ask ourselves how many loving words come from our mouths — especially when we claim to carry God's name in our hearts.

Our spirituality is not measured by the symbol we wear on our forehead.

It is revealed through the humanity we carry in our behaviour.

Our prayer need not exist only in the act of folding our hands.

It can also exist in those same hands reaching out to lift someone who is suffering.

Our meditation need not exist only in sitting with our eyes closed.

It can also exist in opening our eyes and beginning to see the suffering of others.

Our devotion need not exist only inside a temple.

It can also exist in the way we respect the human being who lives beside us.

When we begin to see spirituality this way, we realise that it is not far away from us.

It is in our breath.

It is in our words.

It is in our thoughts.

It is in our relationships.

It is in the courage to admit our mistakes.

It is in the heart that tries to free itself from hatred towards someone who has hurt us.

It is in the hands that share what we have received.

It is in choosing not to harm another person even when we ourselves are struggling.

And above all, it is in that quiet awareness with which we observe the emotions that arise within us — with love, compassion and understanding.

One day, anger may become less frequent.

One day, sorrow may become lighter.

One day, fear may loosen its grip.

But even if they return, we do not have to be afraid.

We can simply learn to look at them peacefully and say:

“Here is another emotion that has arisen.

I will allow this too to pass through me with awareness.”

Because we are not prisoners of our emotions.

We are human beings capable of observing them, understanding them, and choosing how we wish to respond to them.

This is the beauty of spirituality.

Spirituality does not free us from being human.

Rather, it teaches us how to become better human beings.

It does not destroy our humanity.

It makes us more conscious of its sacredness.

It does not ask us to deny our emotions.

It teaches us to understand them.

It does not ask us to walk away from our lives.

It asks us to live the very same life with greater awareness, love and integrity.

Therefore, we do not have to travel somewhere far away in search of spirituality.

Today, when we enter our home, let us speak a word of love.

Today, when anger arises, let us remain silent for a moment.

Today, when someone hurts us, let us not immediately strike back; let us first look within ourselves.

Today, if someone needs help, let us do whatever we can.

Today, if we make a mistake, let us acknowledge it.

Today, let us be grateful for what we have received.

Today, instead of worrying endlessly about what we cannot do, let us do the good that we can do.

These may appear to be small actions.

But the great spiritual journey called life is built through such small moments of awareness.

Spirituality is not about leaving life behind.

It is about entering life fully awake.

It is not about escaping our emotions.

It is about feeling them without becoming their prisoners.

It is about changing our own behaviour before trying to change the world.

It is about looking at our own minds before trying to correct others.

It is about understanding ourselves rather than hating ourselves.

In the end, rather than asking how much we prayed, perhaps we should ask how many hearts found a little more peace because of our presence.

Rather than asking how much we meditated, perhaps we should ask how much more compassionate our lives became after we rose from meditation.

We do not have to prove to ourselves or to anyone else how spiritual we are.

If the people who live with us feel safe, loved and peaceful in our presence, that itself may be the quiet expression of our spirituality.

So, dear friends,

Let the emotions come.

Let anger come.

Let sorrow come.

Let fear come.

Let even jealousy come.

Let us see them as visitors in this human life.

We need not blame ourselves simply because they have arrived.

But when they arrive, we need not hand them the keys to our lives.

Let us observe them.

Let us understand them.

Let us feel them fully.

Let us listen to what they have come to teach us.

And then let us allow them to pass.

Let us keep walking.

With a little more love.

With a little more compassion.

With a little more honesty.

With a little more awareness.

That is enough.

Because spirituality is not about denying our humanity.

It is about learning to live every moment of our humanity with awareness, integrity, love and compassion.

You can do it.

With love,

Sakthi Sakthithasan