Self-Discipline The Art of Guiding Ourselves

Self-Discipline The Art of Guiding Ourselves

Dear Friends,

Warm greetings.

When we hear the words “self-discipline,” some of us may think of it as a great spiritual practice.

For others, it may seem like a quality meant only for monks, yogis, or people with extraordinary mental strength.

But in reality, self-discipline is not something reserved for a special group of people. It is something we encounter in our everyday lives, knowingly or unknowingly, every single day.

The alarm rings in the morning.

The mind says, “Let me sleep for another five minutes.”

The intellect says, “You need to get up.”

The decision we make between those two voices is, in itself, an act of self-discipline.

We pick up our phone and check a message.

From that message, we move to another video.

From that video, we move to another post.

We picked up the phone for ten minutes, but before we realise it, an hour has disappeared.

Then a question arises within us:

“Am I using my phone, or is my phone using me?”

That is where the essence of self-discipline begins.

Self-discipline does not mean living without desires.

Desires are a natural part of human life.

We want good food.

We want good clothes.

We want a comfortable home.

We want money.

We want appreciation.

We want to be respected by others.

We want to grow and achieve more in life.

There is nothing wrong with having desires.

The difficulty begins when we believe that every desire must be fulfilled immediately.

There is a small but important space between saying,

“I like it, so I must have it now,”

and asking,

“I like it, but do I really need it?”

That small space is where self-discipline is born.

There are many things we need to do in life.

There are many things we should not do.

There are many things we want to do.

But we cannot do everything at the same time.

Therefore, we need the ability to decide what to choose, what to postpone and what to let go.

That is self-discipline.

We may have a dream.

We may dream of buying a good home.

We may want to save for our children's future.

We may have a goal of paying off our debts.

We may decide to lose weight and improve our health.

We may dream of starting a new business.

We may want to write a book.

We may wish to learn a new language.

Dreaming is easy.

Writing down a goal is also easy.

But on the journey towards that goal, there will be many moments when we have to say “no” to our immediate desires.

That is when self-discipline becomes our friend.

Imagine someone deciding to save a thousand pounds every month.

Yet every week, they buy things they do not really need.

Whenever they go shopping, they see something they like and buy it.

When an online sale appears, they think,

“If I don't buy it now, I may miss the opportunity.”

After a few months, they wonder why they have not been able to build any savings.

The problem is not simply about how much money they earn.

It is about what they chose to give priority to between their desires and their goals.

Not buying something may seem like a small decision.

But every small decision, when added together, helps shape a large part of our lives.

If we begin asking ourselves,

“Do I really need this?”

“Do I need to buy it now?”

“Should I spend the money I am supposed to be saving?”

then we are not merely protecting our money.

We are also protecting our future.

The same principle applies to food.

Our favourite food is in front of us.

The mind says, “Just have a little more.”

The body says, “You are already full.”

Which one should we listen to?

Eating too much on one particular day may not make much difference.

But if we repeatedly surrender to our cravings, our body may eventually remind us of the consequences.

Choosing to limit our food for the sake of our health is not a punishment.

It is a small gift that today's self gives to tomorrow's self.

That is why self-discipline is not about hurting ourselves.

It is one of the ways in which we learn to love ourselves.

The same applies to time.

Every person has exactly twenty-four hours in a day.

The wealthy have the same twenty-four hours.

The poor have the same twenty-four hours.

The educated have the same twenty-four hours.

The ordinary person has the same twenty-four hours.

Yet many differences in life arise from the way we choose to use those twenty-four hours.

There is nothing wrong with spending a few minutes on social media.

Entertainment is also part of life.

Talking to friends is important.

Resting is important too.

But we must recognise when rest begins to turn into a habit that consumes our time.

We may have planned to study for an hour.

Then we watch one video.

Then another.

And another after that.

Before we know it, an hour has disappeared.

We cannot simply say that we have lost an hour.

We have given an hour that could have taken us closer to our goal to an immediate distraction.

Therefore, self-discipline is not only about asking,

“What should I not do?”

It is also about asking,

“How much time am I giving to what I truly need to do?”

A student may want to achieve good results in an examination.

That is a goal.

But friends call.

There is a desire to play.

The phone calls for attention.

Social media calls.

Television calls.

None of these things is necessarily bad.

But when we give them unlimited space, there will be no space left for our goals.

Self-discipline does not mean saying,

“I must never play.”

It means saying,

“I will finish what I need to study first, and then I will play.”

That small change can create a significant difference in life.

Self-discipline is equally important in family life.

We become angry.

Someone may have spoken to us disrespectfully.

Someone may have treated us unfairly.

Someone may have said something we did not like.

At that moment, the mind urges us to respond immediately.

“I will give them a few words back.”

“I will show them who I am.”

That is what the mind may say.

But being able to remain silent for a few seconds at that moment can be a great act of self-discipline.

A word spoken in anger cannot always be taken back.

But we are rarely sorry for the few minutes we remained silent when we were angry.

Sometimes what saves a family is not a great piece of advice.

It is simply one person remaining calm when the other is angry.

It is one person lowering their voice when the other raises theirs.

It is being able to say,

“Let us talk about this when we are both a little calmer,”

instead of immediately responding with another hurtful word.

That too is self-discipline.

Self-discipline is also needed in the way we speak to the people around us.

We do not have to say every truth at every moment.

There is a right time and a right way to speak the truth.

Even when our opinion is correct, the way we express it can cause unnecessary hurt.

Saying,

“What I said is true,”

and then hurting another person is not wisdom.

Thinking,

“How can I say this so that the other person can understand it?”

is maturity.

That too requires self-discipline.

The same applies to our social lives.

When we see someone doing better than us, we may feel jealous.

When we see people living more comfortably than we do, we may begin to wish for the same lifestyle.

This has become particularly difficult in the age of social media.

We see only a few beautiful moments from someone else's life and compare them with the entirety of our own.

They travelled abroad.

They bought a new house.

They bought a new car.

They look happy.

They seem successful.

And we begin to think,

“I want that too.”

But we do not know their whole story.

We do not know their debts.

We do not know their worries.

We do not know their family problems.

We do not know their moments of loneliness.

What we have seen is only a picture.

Yet we begin measuring our entire life against that picture.

Here too, self-discipline is necessary.

Instead of allowing the mind to say,

“I want that too,”

we can ask ourselves,

“What do I really want?”

There can be an entire lifetime of difference between those two questions.

Self-discipline does not mean treating our desires as enemies.

It means learning to bring our desires into harmony with our goals.

A farmer does not plant a seed and dig it up the next day to see whether it has become a tree.

It needs rain.

It needs soil.

It needs patience.

It needs time.

Our life goals are no different.

A good habit takes time to develop.

A debt takes time to repay.

Health takes time to rebuild.

A business takes time to grow.

A book takes time to write.

A relationship takes time to heal.

But we often want immediate results.

That is why many of our efforts stop halfway.

One of the first lessons self-discipline teaches us is this:

“Today's small sacrifice is the seed of tomorrow's greater reward.”

Reading ten pages a day may not seem like a great achievement.

Spending half an hour exercising every day may not seem significant.

Saving a small amount of money each day may seem insignificant.

Spending a few minutes in silence may seem like nothing special.

But when these small actions are continued consistently, we may look back after a few years and realise that they were the very things that created significant changes in our lives.

Therefore, self-discipline is not a strength that appears in us overnight.

It is the sum of the small decisions we make every day.

Sometimes, when a desire arises within us, we can choose not to fulfil it immediately.

We can ask ourselves,

“Will I still want this tomorrow?”

If we still want it tomorrow, perhaps it is something genuinely important.

If it was merely a passing desire of that moment, it may disappear.

That small pause gives us a great sense of freedom.

That is the beauty of self-discipline.

It is not about someone else controlling us.

It is about learning to guide ourselves.

We cannot control everything in life.

The weather is not within our control.

What other people think about us is not within our control.

How other people speak to us is not within our control.

We cannot always prevent unexpected events from entering our lives.

But to some extent, we can choose how we respond to those events.

Improving the quality of that choice is self-discipline.

It is not only important how many obstacles we face in life.

It is also important how our mind responds when those obstacles appear before us.

Sometimes life changes our plans.

Things do not happen the way we expected.

We may not get the job we wanted.

Someone we expected to remain with us may no longer be there.

A dream we built may take a completely different form.

At such times, self-discipline does not mean stubbornly holding on to the old path.

It can also mean accepting the situation, changing our plans where necessary, and finding a new path towards our goal.

That is why self-discipline is not merely about controlling the mind.

It is also about understanding the mind.

We need to observe our desires.

We need to observe our anger.

We need to observe our jealousy.

We need to observe our fears.

We need to observe our impatience.

We do not necessarily have to deny them.

But before they begin to control our actions, we can pause and ask ourselves one question:

“Will what I am about to do help create the person I want to become?”

That one question can protect us from many unnecessary and regrettable decisions.

One day, all of us will leave this world.

Remembering this is not meant to frighten us.

It is simply a reminder that the life we have been given is not unlimited.

So where are we spending our time?

Where are we directing our energy?

What are we giving our attention to?

How much space are we giving to our desires?

How much space are we giving to our dreams?

These are questions we should ask ourselves from time to time.

Self-discipline does not mean making life dull.

It does not mean that we should never laugh.

It does not mean that we should never enjoy food.

It does not mean that we should never spend money.

It does not mean that we should never have entertainment.

It does not mean that we should stop having desires.

Rather, self-discipline is about understanding the answers to three simple questions:

“When?”

“How much?”

“Why?”

There is a great difference between doing what we want to do and doing what we need to do.

Desire pulls us.

Responsibility guides us.

Desire may give us immediate pleasure.

Discipline can give us lasting fulfilment.

Therefore, whatever dreams we wish to achieve in life, talent alone is not enough.

Opportunity alone is not enough.

Luck alone is not enough.

We need consistent effort and, more importantly, the ability to guide ourselves.

Our desires do not have to become our masters.

They can simply be passengers on our journey through life.

Our goals should be the driver.

Only then can we have some influence over where our life takes us.

Standing at the threshold of seventy, when I look back at life, there is one truth I have come to understand.

Not every opportunity we lost was lost because of some great reason.

Some were lost because of small moments of impatience.

Some because of immediate desires.

Some because of unnecessary words.

Some because of decisions we kept postponing.

Some because of habits that wasted our time.

In the same way, some of the good things we achieved did not come to us through great miracles.

They came because, on certain days, we controlled ourselves.

Because, at certain moments, we chose silence.

Because we postponed certain desires.

Because we endured certain difficulties.

Because we continued towards certain goals without giving up.

That is why today I do not see self-discipline merely as a form of restriction.

I see it as a form of freedom.

When we learn to control ourselves, there is less need for others to control us.

When we learn to guide our desires, our desires no longer have to drag us wherever they wish.

When we learn to value our time, less of our life is wasted.

When we learn to control our words, many relationships can be protected from unnecessary wounds.

When we learn to control our spending, the burden on our future can be reduced.

When we learn to control our eating habits, we create a better path towards our wellbeing.

When we learn to control our attention, our dreams begin to come alive.

Ultimately, self-discipline encourages us to ask a deeper question.

Instead of asking,

“What do I want?”

we begin to ask,

“What kind of person do I want to become?”

When we begin choosing our actions today according to the answer to that question, our lives slowly begin to change.

We do not have to transform our entire life in a single day.

Today, we can say “no” to one small desire.

Today, we can say “yes” to one small good habit.

Today, we can give half an hour that might otherwise be wasted to something useful.

Today, we can swallow one word that we were about to speak in anger.

Today, we can avoid one unnecessary expense.

Today, we can take one small step towards our dream.

Those small steps will eventually become tomorrow's great journey.

The day we learn to govern ourselves is the day we begin to guide our own lives.

That is the true meaning of self-discipline.

With love,
Sakthi Sakthithasan