Where Does True Power Lie?

Dear Friends,

In life, each one of us seeks power in one way or another.

Some find power in making others behave according to their wishes.

Some expect everything to happen exactly as they want it to.

Still others believe that they can live peacefully only when circumstances are favourable to them.

However, as I stand at the threshold of old age and look back on the experiences of my life, I gradually begin to realise that true power does not lie in making everything happen according to our wishes.

True power lies in learning to preserve the peace within us, whatever may be happening around us.

We do not need to study great philosophical theories to understand this. All we need to do is observe the little things that happen in our everyday lives.

When someone does not speak to us as we expect, we feel hurt.

When something does not happen the way we want, we become angry.

When someone from whom we expect respect ignores us, an inner struggle begins within us.

There is something important we need to notice here.

An event takes place outside us, but the struggle caused by that event continues within us.

Someone speaks harshly to us and walks away.

Yet, we keep replaying their words in our minds, reliving the conversation over and over again.

Something that the other person may have forgotten within a few minutes becomes a burden that we carry for days.

So, what has really taken away our peace?

Was it the person who spoke to us, or the importance we gave to their words?

That is a question worth reflecting upon.

I am not suggesting that we should quietly accept it whenever someone hurts us.

We must speak up when something needs to be challenged.

We must protect our self-respect when it is threatened.

And when necessary, we must have the courage to make firm decisions.

But life has taught me that, even as we do these things, we need not hand over control of our inner state to other people.

We can be firm without being consumed by anger.

We can point out wrongdoing without allowing hatred to grow within us.

We can walk away from situations that harm us without carrying the desire for revenge.

Peace is not weakness.

It is the maturity to understand our emotions and act without becoming their slaves.

It is wiser to focus on what we can change than to sacrifice our peace over things beyond our control.

We cannot stop time.

We cannot change the past.

We cannot make others think, speak or behave exactly as we wish.

We cannot even know with certainty what tomorrow will bring.

But we can decide how we respond to the present day.

We can pause and think instead of reacting immediately in anger to a problem.

Rather than dwelling endlessly on an incident that has hurt us, we can ask ourselves what it has taught us.

When one door closes, we need not stand before it and grieve for the rest of our lives.

We can look for another door that might open.

If that, too, remains closed, we can wait for a while.

Sometimes, we may even have to accept that the path we wanted to follow was not the right path for us after all.

All this requires maturity of mind.

Such maturity does not develop in a single day.

It grows gradually through the experiences life gives us and through the quiet reflection that follows those experiences.

There is a significant difference between external peace and inner peace.

The people we love are with us.

There is happiness in the family.

We face no major financial difficulties.

Our health is good.

Everything is happening as we expected.

Naturally, the mind feels peaceful under such circumstances.

But is that true inner peace?

If an unpleasant piece of news is enough to shatter us, it means that our peace has been under the control of that news.

When someone we trusted betrays us, we may feel that our entire world has come to an end.

When an attempt fails, we may conclude that our whole life has been a failure.

Often, our suffering increases because we confuse a single event in our lives with the entirety of our lives.

A failure is an event. It is not our identity.

Someone's rejection is their decision.

It is not the final judgement on our worth.

A difficult period is one part of life.

It does not mean that life must remain that way forever.

When we begin to understand these differences, our minds gain a little distance from the events taking place around us.

It is in that distance that clarity begins to emerge.

And where clarity emerges, more thoughtful decisions follow.

There is another reason why we experience so much suffering in life.

We create certain rules in our minds about how life should be.

Everyone should understand us.

Those whom we love should love us equally in return.

Our hard work should bring us the rewards we deserve.

Others should understand our good intentions correctly.

Everything should happen according to our plans.

There is nothing inherently wrong with these hopes.

The difficulty begins when we believe that we can be happy only if everything happens exactly as we expect.

Life belongs to us, but not everything that happens in life is under our control.

We can offer love, but we cannot decide how others will receive it.

We can work hard, but we cannot guarantee that every effort will produce the result we desire.

We can do our best to act with kindness, but we cannot expect everyone in the world to behave fairly.

Accepting these truths does not mean admitting defeat.

Rather, it means beginning to understand life as it is.

Acceptance does not mean giving up every attempt to change things.

It means making the necessary effort to change what we can, while refusing to lose ourselves in unnecessary struggles over what we cannot change.

We cannot stop the rain from falling.

But we can carry an umbrella.

We cannot change the direction of the wind.

But we can adjust the sails of our boat accordingly.

Life is much the same.

Circumstances will not always favour us.

But we can grow in the way we learn to face them.

There is another important truth we must not forget.

Being peaceful does not mean becoming a person without emotions.

We may experience sadness.

We may feel anger.

We may face disappointment.

Fear may surround us.

These are all natural human emotions.

There is no true peace in hiding these feelings and pretending to be happy all the time.

True maturity lies in recognising the emotions that arise within us, accepting them and learning not to let them completely take over our lives.

No one can prevent waves from rising in the sea.

Yet, the sea does not lose its depth every time a wave appears.

I believe our minds, too, should learn to be like that.

Let thoughts arise.

Let emotions come and go.

Let life present its challenges.

As we observe all these experiences, let us learn to live without losing the clarity within us.

Sometimes, choosing not to respond immediately is the best response.

Sometimes, a little silence can do more good than a lengthy argument.

Sometimes, protecting our peace of mind is more important than proving that our opinion is right.

We do not have to win every argument.

We do not need to prove ourselves to everyone.

Nor do we have to keep explaining our truth to those who have no desire to understand us.

What matters is how we live our lives.

If we begin to live solely according to what others think of us, we have, in effect, handed over the power over our own lives to them.

When I look back on life from the threshold of old age, this is the truth I am beginning to understand.

We often waste our energy trying to change everything according to our wishes.

But when we allow certain things to remain as they are and concentrate on doing well what is within our power, life becomes a little easier.

Our happiness need not depend entirely on the behaviour of others.

Our peace need not depend solely on whether circumstances are favourable.

We can learn to understand our own state of mind and guide ourselves when necessary.

I believe this is true freedom.

Dear Friends,

Life will not always travel along the path we desire.

Sometimes, it will bring us to a standstill.

Sometimes, it will lead us down unexpected roads.

And sometimes, it will put even our deepest beliefs to the test.

At such moments, instead of fighting against life, let us ask ourselves a few questions.

What can I change in this situation?

What is beyond my control?

How should I respond now so that I will not regret my actions later?

These three questions may bring a little light into our minds.

Peaceful external circumstances may bring us happiness.

But learning to remain calm within ourselves even when a storm rages outside is one of the greatest gifts life can offer us.

Instead of trying to conquer others, let us learn to understand our own anger.

Instead of struggling to defeat every circumstance, let us develop the maturity to face it.

Even if we cannot make every event favourable to us, let us learn to choose our responses with awareness and understanding.

For true power does not lie in changing the entire world according to our wishes.

True power lies in not losing ourselves, even when the world refuses to change according to our wishes.

Let us gradually stop insisting that life must be a certain way and instead try to understand it as it unfolds.

At the same time, let us fulfil our responsibilities, uphold our values and protect the peace within us.

We cannot say that every day of our lives will suddenly become favourable to us.

But we can begin to develop the strength to stand by ourselves and not abandon ourselves, even on unfavourable days.

That strength is our true power!

You can do it.

With affection,

Sakthi Sakthithasan